Many of us like to feel needed, helpful, and valued, and we’re often willing to go that extra mile to be that dependable person for others. Sometimes, however, that comes at our own expense, and we end up stretched too thin and consistently putting ourselves last. It can be tricky to reconcile the desire to be a dependable friend, partner, parent, child, or colleague with the recognition that we have needs and desires of our own, so how do we find that balance?
1. We All Have Limits
There are going to be times when there is only so much we can do within reason, and we don’t have to reach for the impossible.
2. There is More Than One Way to Support Someone
As tempting as it may be to bend over backwards to find someone a solution when the answer is actually beyond our reach, sometimes simply letting them know that we’re here and we’re listening can go a long way. Being helpful doesn’t always mean fixing every problem.
3. Self-Care Doesn’t Equal “Selfishness”
Recognizing our own need for rest, relaxation, work-life balance, and an outlet for stress does not negate our capacity for empathy, compassion, or generosity when it comes to others. For instance, prioritizing our health by taking a day off from work if we come down with the flu does not make us indifferent towards our job or our coworkers.
4. We Need Our Own Strength in Order to Be Strong for Others
It’s not easy to be someone else’s rock when we ourselves feel unsteady, so it’s important to check in with ourselves from time to time and note the ways we’re also being impacted by stress and challenges. We all need to heal sometimes, and there are going to be times when that has to come first if we want to fully support someone else through their own healing.
5. “I Have Too Much on My Plate” is a Valid Response
Bringing us back to point #1: Sometimes we’ve simply reached our limit and cannot accommodate someone asking for another favour. Our calendar is full and we simply cannot swap anything out or cram anything else in. That’s enough of a reason to decline, even if we don’t want to leave someone else in a bind. The desire to lend a hand to others is fortunately one that we can also extend to ourselves, if only we give ourselves permission to do so.
